Why do I write? That’s a very good question that I’m not
certain that I have the answer to. Why am I writing this right now I believe is
a better question? I am writing this right now because I felt a desire to.
Desire is a pretty demanding emotion when it wants to be, it makes us do good
things, like writing, and it can make us do very bad things if we so choose. I
have always been an inquisitive person, one who wants to know more than what just
lies on the surface. There are many layers to everything and it’s the
underlying layers that create, cause, and make us do and say the things we do
that I find interesting.
I try to remain objective about most things although I do
have opinions and I do make judgements towards people and attitudes at times. I
mostly keep my opinions to myself, not being one to want to stir the pot too
much and create unnecessary attention to myself. I have enough problems dealing
with my day to day existence then to be bothered about what other people think
or have to say about my opinions.
Feelings are a big part of what I write about. Love is one
of the feelings that interests me the most, having felt this emotion, and
hopefully had it felt for me. The differences in the way that people express
love is of interest to me as well, seeing how people react to different stimuli
such as the words that I write intrigues me.
What are your thoughts right this moment as you read this?
Do you see the words and think to yourself about how they relate to the way
that you think, or do you see me typing away at the laptop putting my thoughts
on paper? If you don’t know me or have never met me personally it would be hard
to picture me unless you have a very vivid imagination, then I could be anybody
and look like anyone that you choose. Hopefully I look very handsome to you with
a well chiseled physique, and certain attributes that would make most people
blush.
I read a quote this morning “I’m just an optimist disguised
as a cynic”. Not sure if it relates to me, but it did catch my eye. Without
optimism I would not have any desire, and without desire I would not do half
the things that I do. The cynical part is obvious if you have read any of my
work, although I try to hide my cynicism as well as my passion with subtleness.
If anything I have been accused of being too subtle, and not forthright with my
true feelings. It is not my style, although I toy with it occasionally, I
prefer to make the reader think. What the hell is he talking about, and what is
he really saying are the phrases that I want to hear from the minds of my
readers. I love double meanings and hidden messages.
What my goal is and what I would like to achieve with my
writing is the ability to write a story. I want to write a story about a person
or place that describes the locale and the personalities of the inhabitants to
the reader. A story that tells about the intricacies of daily life and how
people interact with each other. This thought fascinates me, and drives me to
continue. The problem is that I have limited time to devote to writing and a
very short attention span, I get bored easily, and the need for new stimuli is
very real for me. Thus the poems and short stories are the mainstay of my
writing. I can paint a picture with words but cannot seem to tell the story at
any length. I suppose there is a place for all types of writing, and one is not
any better than the other, although from what I can tell poetry is not on the
best sellers list too often.
I live in a quiet little neighborhood. About twenty to
thirty homes consist of the entire community. It is a water community on a
small peninsula tucked between the Chesapeake Bay and the mouth of the Potomac
river. There are only a handful of full time residents, the most being seasonal
vacationers who come down on the weekends to relax and get away from the
pressures of city life. I enjoy the solitude and quiet when no one is here,
although it does get lonely at times.
I have started taking walks in the morning and jogging
occasionally if my body is up to it. My dog Ms. Virginia accompanies me and we
enjoy our time together. The neighborhood consists of a one-mile loop perfectly
flat and optimal for walking or jogging, flat and easily navigated. Most
mornings I am visited by a few of the other dogs in the neighborhood who may
join us as we make our rounds. Treats for everyone is my motto for the animals
and they enjoy themselves as well as keeping me company. Being the introvert
that I am it is safe to say that this suits me perfect, although I often think
that a human companion would be nice once in a while.
The problem with human companions is that they have needs of
their own. If their needs outweigh mine, I have a tendency to make their needs
a priority over my own. I have this innate desire to mold myself into what the
person I am with wants me to be instead of staying true to myself. I know this
sounds insane and it probably is. The dogs don’t put any pressure on me, as
long as I have treats is good enough for them, so here we are, miles from my
nearest friend or family and just walking the neighborhood.
There are people here, and I have made some friends. If I
need to talk with someone I can usually walk down to the marina at the end of
the road and find someone there. Or during the warm months my neighbors come
down and can be found hanging out in their yards or at home relaxing. There are
different personalities here I suppose as anywhere that one lives, and I try to
get along with everyone. There are times though when I go for days without
seeing or talking with anyone except the dogs, they are my constant companions.
Without them life would get very lonely.
Most nights, weather permitting, is spent sitting on the
back deck relaxing until it’s time to go to bed which is pretty early since
there’s not anything to do here and I pretty much quit watching TV. This is
when a human companion would be nice to hang out with in front of the fire or
just sit and watch the water, the moon, and the stars.
Days start pretty early sometimes at 3:00 AM since going to
bed early leads to early rising. I like to get up with the sunrise and take a
photograph over the water for a journal that I keep while I stay here. Some
days I feed the dog and let her out and go back to bed and others I stay up and
write or start work. Today is one of those writing days.
too be continued….
Robert
2016
