Getting to The Point

This is an exercise that I'm doing for a class on getting to the point in poetry, first here's a poem written in it's original format;

I miss you, I'm not going to lie
I wish you would text or call,
if you don't I will understand.
In case you are waiting for me,
I won't, because I have my pride,
It hurt when you ignored me,
I thought we were friends
I guess I was wrong.


Teachers remarks:

"What the fuck? Get to the point...Who would write some stupid shit like this? First of all whoever it is, is probably lying, you don't say I'm not going to lie unless you are going to lie. And, "I wish you would call but I'll understand if you don't", why not just say don't call cause I don't fucking care! Oh yeah, and if you're waiting for me, forget it, because I have no pride and I'm a big ass baby or I wouldn't be writing this lame ass poem. It hurts when you take it where the sun don't shine, that's exactly what this poem is about, and what's the old saying; "if I need a friend I'll get a dog". Oh yeah, last but not least, the only thing that I was wrong about was giving a fuck in the first place."

Rewrite this crap!
Your teacher...


Ok, so here is revision 1:


Hey mutherfucker, I'd be a lying ass bitch
if I said I cared if you call or text
please don't.
In case you can't understand that
I don't give a shit,
stick it where the sun don't shine.
Friend my ass, please
spare me the bullshit!


Is that more to the point, but still in a nice way? Hope I get a good grade...this teacher is brutal.


Much Love and Peace


Robert
2016